A hug is a great gift – one size fits all, and it’s easy to exchange. ~Author Unknown
Twinkling lights, falling snow, brightly wrapped presents with ribbons, decorations, and music—Christmas is a season of celebration. It’s a time of faith, of bowing our heads and remembering the reason for the season.
But when you’ve lost someone dear, this time of year can magnify that absence. The ornaments carry memories that bring tears. The empty chair at the table is a painful reminder. Life has changed in profound ways, and the hurt in your heart doesn’t match the joy around you.
If you are grieving the loss of someone special, here are some gentle reminders and practical ways to navigate the holidays:
Traditions Are Not Obligatory
Every year you may bake the same cookies, hang the same ornaments, attend Midnight Mass, or play that family game on Christmas Eve. But this year is different. Give yourself permission to set traditions aside if they feel too heavy. Do something that brings comfort instead. For our first Christmas after my son died, we left some ornaments in the box and changed our routine. It wasn’t perfect, but it was bearable.
Hold Onto Each Other – You Are Not Alone
Even when the grief feels crushing, connection matters. Hug your loved ones. Share tears. Remind each other that you’re not walking this road alone.
10. The Power of a Handwritten Note
There’s something deeply comforting about seeing someone’s handwriting on paper. A card in the mail says, “You matter enough for me to make the effort.” Emails and texts can touch the heart, but a handwritten note lingers as a tangible piece of comfort.
9. Validation Matters
When you’re grieving, you need to know your pain is seen and your loved one’s life is remembered. For me, hearing stories of how Stephen touched others was a lifeline. If you’re comforting someone, don’t hold back—share how their loved one made an impact.
8. Don’t Wait for an Invitation to Help
Grief is paralyzing. In my early days, it felt like I was carrying lead boots and a sweater of stone. What helped most were the people who simply showed up. They rang the doorbell with a casserole, flowers, or just a hug. If someone you know is hurting, don’t wait—step in and let them know they are not alone.
7. Remember Key Dates
Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries—these “firsts” after loss are especially painful. Even years later, they can trigger deep sorrow. A quick call, text, or visit on those days can mean the world. Acknowledge the milestone and the hurt.
6. Create Lasting Memorials
Time passes and details fade, but a life deserves to be remembered. For me, Stephen’s legacy lives on through memorials like NC State Hockey retiring his jersey and renaming a tournament in his honor. Consider scholarships, donations, or writing as ways to honor someone’s life. Lasting memorials affirm that their story matters.
5. Encourage Extra Help When Needed
Sometimes grief requires support beyond family and friends. Suggesting groups like The Compassionate Friends or encouraging counseling isn’t criticism—it’s care. Professional guidance can bring strength and healing when the pain feels unbearable.
4. Don’t Make Grief Invisible
Some avoided me after Stephen’s death because they didn’t know what to say. Others stopped mentioning his name entirely. That silence was more painful than their words could have been. Please remember—our loved ones are still part of us. Talking about them brings comfort, not more pain.
3. Grief Continues After the Funeral
When the flowers fade and casseroles are gone, the heartache lingers. On the outside, life may look normal. But inside, the grieving heart is still mending. Be patient, gentle, and kind—it matters more than you know.
2. Talk Less, Listen More
There are no perfect words to erase grief. Simple phrases like, “I’m so sorry,” or “I’m here for you,” go further than searching for the “right” thing. Mostly, what grieving people need is someone willing to listen—really listen.
1. Love, Love, Love
I wrote about gratitude because people loved me through my darkest days. Friends, family, and even strangers showed kindness in simple ways. And the more love I allowed in, the closer I felt to Stephen’s spirit. Love is the greatest healer. Offer it freely—it is the most precious gift.
Today, I am thankful for every person who stood by me, who comforted me, and who loved me harder than I thought possible. They showed me that life can still hold beauty, even in the midst of loss.
Christmas is about giving—not just presents, but presence. My challenge to you is this: look around and notice who may be hurting. Offer them your time, your kindness, your love. Because the greatest gift we can give is to let someone know they are not alone.
