“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” ~ Agatha Christie~
Today Is Stephen’s 25th birthday. It is a quiet day here, one of reflection and remembrance. I miss him, and I wish he was here so I could bake him a cake, and sing, and just love him. It has always been a day of mixed emotions to be honest. The day I received Stephen, I lost his brother. In many ways, I always go back to that day, where I had to balance both joy and pain. It was the beginning of my education on life and finding gratitude in grief.
I’ve been thinking about this special birthday for months. First, I wanted to go away. I thought I would attend a retreat. Perhaps meditate for the weekend. Maybe I would completely distract myself with some household chore or activity. I ended up doing something much more personal, sitting with my thoughts. I’ve spent the entire weekend thinking about what the next step is for me, and how I can continue to spread all the goodness that was Stephen.
25 years ago today, I had no idea one little person would make such a long lasting impact on my life. I, as a very young and very unprepared mother, was worried about what I would need to do, how much my life would change, what I would have to sacrifice. I have to be honest, I was worried about how this would forever change the course of my life, not how I could potentially affect the course of his.
I did not realize that this small, fuzzy wrinkled miracle would bring me nothing but gifts. I simply had no idea of the events that would unfold after I heard that small but determined little cry in the delivery room.
Funny isn’t it. Those moments when we think that life is over. They are actually just beginning. The things that appear to crush us do not, but perhaps mold us ( albeit painfully) so that we are ready for the good that will come from change. I know sometimes when you’re right in the “thick of it” it is hard to believe that good could come from it. But it does. If you choose to let it.
That’s what I’m thinking about today, on Stephen’s birthday. The good that came from, and continues to come from his unplanned, unexpected life. Each day, as I write, or respond to someone who has read his story, I feel the ripple of his life. The brilliance of his soul continues to shine and sparkle when I spread love.
Even in something as bad as death, something good can be found. If you choose to believe that it is possible to be happy, even through tears.
That is what I hold onto today.
So today, do me a favor. Celebrate with me. But doing one thing. Look at your own life. See the good and bad. And ask yourself where it can take you. I guarantee you if you let it, it will teach you and lead to something wonderful. Take stock of where you are, and what you want for your life.
Today, I am thankful for Stephen, and the ripple of his life as it continues to impact the lives of so many.
On a side note, I am thankful that yesterday was not the end of the world. In some weird warped way, the thought of the earth’s demise and potential rapture made this weekend a little easier for me. As I awoke this morning, I knew the day would be tough, but certainly not as tough as was predicted. One little thing to be thankful for…..sorry, sarcasm runs in my family.
I will leave you with the thoughts I wrote about him last year and a song from one of his favorite bands.
Spread some love today will ya?